May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
