Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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