I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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