I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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