Acid is not a monday night drug
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
