I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
