i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
