Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
