i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
