It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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