hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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