I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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