I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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