I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
