I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
