Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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