He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
