I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
