I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
