you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
