why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My vagina is very pro this idea
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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