homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
