so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
