no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
