I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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