she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize