maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
