Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
