I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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