I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
