Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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