Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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