Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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