Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Damn victory sex feels great
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
