When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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