we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
