She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize