so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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