I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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