you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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