i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
