You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
