I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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