I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
