Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
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