I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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