Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Randomize
