Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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