I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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