I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
