If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so let's talk penis.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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