is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
