how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
