I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
