If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
