i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
