I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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