It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
