i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't think brook has ever known best
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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