they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
