I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
