I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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