as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
