I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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