I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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