Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
