Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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