And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
