No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
