I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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