This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
