He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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