I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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