drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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