I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize