Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
