I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
