Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am available for nakedness
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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