Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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