ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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